A man was being tailgated by a stressed- out woman on a busy boulevard. Suddenly, the light turned yellow just in front of him. He did the right thing, stopping at the crosswalk, even though he could have beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection.

The tailgating woman was furious and honked her horn, screaming in frustration, as she missed her chance to get through the intersection, dropping her cell phone and makeup.
As she was still in mid-rant, she heard a tap on her window and looked up into the face of a very serious police officer.

The officer ordered her to exit her car with her hands up.
He took her to the police station where she was searched, fingerprinted, photographed, and placed in a holding cell.

After a couple of hours, a policeman approached the cell and opened the door. She was escorted back to the booking desk where the arresting officer was waiting with her personal effects.

He said, “I’m very sorry for this mistake. You see, I pulled up behind your car while you were blowing your horn, flipping off the guy in front of you, and cussing a blue streak at him. Then I noticed the ‘What Would Jesus Do bumper sticker,’ and the ‘Choose Life’ license plate holder, the ‘Follow Me to Sunday-School’ bumper sticker, and the chrome-plated Christian fish emblem on the trunk.

“Naturally … I assumed you had stolen the car.”
 

A man who smelled like a distillery flopped on a subway seat next to a priest.

The man's tie was stained, his face wasplastered with red lipstick, and a half-empty bottle of gin wassticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaperand began reading. After a few minutes the disheveled guy turnedto the priest and asked, "Say, Father, what causes arthritis? ""My son, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wickedwomen, too much alcohol, and a contempt for your fellow man. ""Well, I'll be damned," the drunk muttered, returning to his paper. The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man andapologized. "I'm very sorry, I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis? ""I don't have it, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does. "

A crowded city at a busy bus stop, a beautiful young woman wearing a tight leather skirt was waiting for a bus. As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus.

Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg. She tried to again take the step, only to discover that she couldn't. So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little more, and for the second time attempted the step. Once again, much to her embarrassment she could not raise her leg.

With a little smile to the driver, she again reached behind to unzip a little more and again was unable to take the step. About this time, a large guy who was standing behind her picked her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus.

She went ballistic and turned to the would-be Samaritan and screeched, "How dare you touch my body! I don't even know who you are!"

The guy smiled and drawled, "Well, ma'am, normally I would agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kind'a figured we were friends."

A man went to the movies, and in front of him was a woman with her dog.

The film was a romantic comedy, with lots of jokes but plenty of dramatic scenes as well. During the funny parts, the dog laughed his head off. During the sad parts, the dog cried his eyes out. This continued until the film was finished. The man figured he had to say something to the woman. He tapped the back of her seat.
”Your dog seemed to really enjoy that film. That’s the most amazing thing I’ve ever seen.”
The woman turned to face him. “You’re telling me,” she said. “He hated the book.”