A retired gentleman went to the social security office to apply for Social Security.

The woman behind the counter asked him for his driver's license to verify his age. He looked in his pockets and realized he had left his wallet at home. He told the woman that he was very sorry but he seemed to have left his wallet at home. "I will have to go home and come back later." The woman says, "Unbutton your shirt." So he opens his shirt revealing curly silver hair. She says, "That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me" and she processed his Social Security application.

When he gets home, the man excitedly tells his wife about his experience at the social security office. She says, "You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability too."

Morris returns from the doctor and tells his wife

that the doctor has told him that he has only 24 hours to live.

Given the prognosis, Morris asks his wife for sex.

Naturally, she agrees, so they make love.

About 6 hours later, the husband goes to his wife and says,

Honey, you know I now have only 18 hours to live.

Could we please do it one more time?'

Of course, the wife agrees, and they do it again.

Later, as the man gets into bed, he looks at his watch

and realizes that he now has only 8 hours left.

He touches his wife's shoulder and asks,

'Honey, please... just one more time before I die.'

She says, 'Of course, Dear,' and they make love for the third time.

After this session, the wife rolls over and falls to sleep.

Morris, however, worried about his impending death, tosses and turns,

until he's down to 4 more hours.

He taps his wife, who rouses. 'Honey, I have only 4 more hours.

Do you think we could...'

At this point the wife sits up and says, 'Listen Morris,

I have to get up in the morning... you don't.'

A lady goes into a bar and sees a cowboy with his feet propped up on a table. He has the biggest feet she's ever seen. The woman asks the cowboy if what they say about men with big feet is true. The cowboy replies, "Sure is, why don't you come back to my place and let me prove it?" The woman is curious, so she spends the night with him. When she sees him the next day, she hands the cowboy a $100 bill. "I'm flattered," he says, blushing. "Nobody has ever paid me for my prowess before." "Well, don't be," the woman replies. "Take this money and go buy yourself some boots that fit!"

 A man sat at a bar, drinking slowly. On his face was the saddest hangdog expression.

    The bartender asked, “What’s the matter? Are you having troubles with your wife?”

    The man said, “We had a fight, and she told me that she wasn’t going to speak to me for a month.”

    The bartender replies, “So sorry to hear that, my friend,” as he gives the customer a complimentary drink, “and how many days are left before that month is up?”

    The man sadly mumbles, “Today’s the last day.”