A new manager spends a week at his new office with the manager he is replacing. On the last day the departing manager tells him, "I have left three numbered envelopes in the desk drawer. Open an envelope if you encounter a crisis you can't solve."

Three months down the track there is a major drama, everything goes wrong - the usual stuff - and the manager feels very threatened by it all. He remembers the parting words of his predecessor and opens the first envelope. The message inside says "Blame your predecessor!" He does this and gets off the hook.

About half a year later, the company is experiencing a dip in sales, combined with serious product problems. The manager quickly opens the second envelope. The message read, "Reorganize!" This he does, and the company quickly rebounds.

Three months later, at his next crisis, he opens the third envelope. The message inside says "Prepare three envelopes".

A little old Jewish lady sells pretzels on a street corner for 25 cents each. Every day a young man leaves his office building at lunch time, and as he passes the pretzel stand, he leaves her a quarter, but never take a pretzel. They never exchange a word. This goes on for more than three years.

One day, as the young man passes the old lady's stand and leaves his quarter as usual, the pretzel lady finally speaks to him.

"Sir, I appreciate your business. You are a good customer, but I have to tell you that the pretzel price has gone up to 35 cents."

One night, after the older couple had retired for the night, the woman
became aware that her husband was touching her in a most unusual manner.

He started by running his hand across her shoulders and the small of her
back. He ran his hand over her breasts, touching them very lightly. Then,
he proceeded to run his hand gently down her side, sliding his hand over
her stomach, and then down the other side to a point below her waist.

He continued on, gently feeling her hips, first one side and the other. His
hand ran further down the outside of her thighs. His gentle probing then
started up the inside of her left thigh, stopped and the returned to do the
same to her right thigh.

By this time the woman was becoming aroused and she squirmed a little to
better position herself.

The man stopped abruptly and rolled over to his sid! ! e of the bed.

"Why are you stopping darling?" she whispered.

He whispered back, " I found the remote!"

My wife told me to go to the doctors and get some of those tablets that help a man get an erection. So I did.
You should have seen her face when I came back and tossed her some diet pills!
I'm still looking for a place to live.