One day, three boys were walking over a bridge when they heard a guy yelling for help.

A man is at work one day when he notices that his co-worker is wearing an earring.

This man knows his co-worker to be a normally conservative fellow and is curious about his sudden change in 'fashion sense.'

The man walks up to him and says, 'I didn't know you were into earrings.'

'Don't make such a big deal, it's only an earring,' he replies sheepishly.

His friend falls silent for a few minutes, but then his curiosity prods him to say, "So, how long have you been wearing one?"

"Ever since my wife found it in my car."

Over five thousand years ago, Moses said to the children of Israel, "Pick up your shovels, mount your asses and camels, and I will lead you to the Promised Land."

Nearly 75 years ago, (when Welfare was introduced) Roosevelt said, "Lay down your shovels, sit on your asses, and light up a Camel, this is the Promised Land."

Today, the government has stolen your shovel, taxed your asses, raised the price of Camels and mortgaged the Promised Land to China.

I was so depressed last night thinking about my retirement, the economy, the wars, lost jobs, etc. that I called a Suicide Hotline. I had to press 1 for English. I was then connected to a call center in Pakistan. I told them I was suicidal.

They got excited and asked if I could drive a truck...

A driver is pulled over by a policeman. The police man approaches the driver's door. "Is there a problem Officer?", the driver asked. The policeman says, "Sir, you were speeding. Can I see your licence please?"
      
      The driver responds, "I'd give it to you but I don't have one."
      
      "You don't have one?"
      
      The man responds, "I lost it four times for drink driving."
      
      The policeman is shocked. "I see. Can I see your vehicle registration papers please?"
      
      "I'm sorry, I can't do that."
      
      The policeman says, "Why not?"
      
      "I stole this car."
      
      The officer says, "Stole it?"
      
      The man says, "Yes, and I killed the owner."
      
      At this point the officer is getting irate. "You what!?"
      
      "She's in the trunk if you want to see."
      
      The Officer looks at the man and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes, five police cars show up, surrounding the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.
      
      The senior officer says "Sir, could you step out of your vehicle please!"
      
      The man steps out of his vehicle. "Is there a problem sir?"
      
      "One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner."
      
      "Murdered the owner?"
      
      The officer responds, "Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car please?"
      
      The man opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.
      
      The officer says, "Is this your car sir?"
      
      The man says "Yes," and hands over the registration papers.
      
      The officer, understandably, is quite stunned. "One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving licence."
      
      The man digs in his pocket revealing a wallet and hands it to the officer. The officer opens the wallet and examines the licence. He looks quite puzzled. "Thank you sir, one of my officers told me you didn't have a licence, stole this car, and murdered the owner."
      
      The man replies, "I bet you the liar told you I was speeding, too!"