Al Woody's 6:20 Funny
A hillbilly went hunting one day in Oklahoma and bagged three ducks. He put them in the bed of his pickup truck and was about to drive home where he was confronted by an ornery game warden who didn't like hillbillies.The game warden ordered to the hillbilly to show his hunting license, and the hillbilly pulled out a valid Oklahoma hunting license. The game warden looked at the license, then reached over and picked up one of the ducks, sniffed its butt, and said, "This duck ain't from Oklahoma. This is a Kansas duck. You got a Kansas huntin' license, boy?" The hillbilly reached into his wallet and produced a Kansas hunting license.
The game warden looked at it, then reached over and grabbed the second duck, sniffed its butt, and said, "This ain't no Kansas duck. This duck's from Arkansas. You got an Arkansas license?"
The hillbilly reached into his wallet and produced an Arkansas license. The warden then reached over and picked up the third duck, sniffed its butt, and said This ain't no Arkansas duck. This here duck's from South Carolina. You got a South Carolina huntin' license?"
Again the hillbilly reached into his wallet and brought out a South Carolina hunting license. The game warden was extremely frustrated at this point, and he yelled at the hillbilly "Just where the hell are you from?
"The hillbilly turned around, bent over, dropped his pants, and said "You tell me, you're the expert!!".
A blonde was shopping at Target & came across a shiny silver Thermos. She was quite fascinated by it, so she picked it up & took It to the clerk to ask what it was.
The clerk said, 'Why, that's a thermos..... It keeps hot things hot, And cold things cold.'
'Wow, said the blonde, 'that's amazing....I'm going to buy it!' So she Bought the thermos & took it to work the next day.
Her boss saw it on her desk. 'What's that,' he asked?
'Why, that's a thermos.... It keeps hot things hot & cold things Cold,' she replied..
Her boss inquired, 'What do you have in it?'
The blond replied...... 'Two popsicles & some coffee.'
As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces
As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."
She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"
A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".
A husband takes the wife to a night club. There's aguy on the dance floor giving it big time. Break dancing, moon walking, back flips, the works! The wife turns to her husband and says, See that guy? 25 years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down!
The husband says, Looks to me like he's still celebrating!!
An old farmer had owned a large farm for many years. He had a huge man-made pond out back with a beautiful picnic area, For years it was the perfect place to unwind or hold a family get together. As the farmer grew older, his "Oasis" was used less and less. It eventually became the local swimming hole and while his neighbors occasionally took advantage of the pond, he rarely made an appearance.
One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond. He hadn't been there in a while and felt the urge to pay a visit to check on things. As he neared the pond, he heard loud playful voices giggling and laughing. As he came closer he was astonished to see that a bunch of young women had decided to skinny dip in his pond.
He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end of the pond. One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!"
The old man replied, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim or make you get out of the pond naked. I'm here to feed the alligator."
One day, a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast to her brunette hair. She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?" Her mother replied "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white." The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then asked, "Mom, how come all of grandma's hairs are white?"
A man runs into a bar and says to the bartender, "Give me twenty shots
of your best single-malt scotch, quick!"
The bartender pours the shots, and the man drinks them down, one at a
time, as fast as he can.
The bartender says, "Wow, I never saw anybody drink that fast."
The man says, "Well, you'd drink that fast if you had what I have."
The bartender says, "Oh my God. What is it? What do you have?"
The man says, "Fifty cents."
Two really old guys were sitting on a bench across the street from a flower
One of them said, "I am so bored, for ten bucks I would take off all my
clothes and run through that flower show."
The other guy says, "Here's ten dollars."
So the old man takes off his clothes, and runs into the show. About 15
minutes goes by, and finally he comes back.
His buddy asks "How did it go in there?"
"Fine," he replies, "I won the prize for the best dried arrangement."
A young boy comes running down the street looking for a cop. He finds one and then begs "Please, officer, come back to the bar with me, my father's in a fight. "Well, they get back to the bar and there's three guys fighting like you wouldn't believe. After a while the cop turns to the kid and says "Okay, which one's your father." The kid looks up at the cop and says, "I don't know, officer, that's what they're fighting about."