Men Are Just Happier People

  • Nicknames: If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah . If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-eyes.
  • Eating out: When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in £20, even though it's only for £32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back. When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
  • Money: A man will pay £2 for a £1 item he needs. A woman will pay £1 for a £2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.
  • Bathrooms: A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from M&S. The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.
  • Arguments: A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
  • Cats: Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.
  • Future: A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
  • Success: A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
  • Marriage: A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.
  • Dressing Up: A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the bins, answer the phone, read a book, and get the post. A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
  • Natural: Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
  • Offspring: Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favourite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams. A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.